5 Ways to Make Everyday Count
- imperfectpancakesp
- Jul 12, 2024
- 8 min read
1. Live in the present.
Have you ever went on a vacation, had an extended weekend off work, or had family over at your house? You were looking forward to it. This time was set aside to see somthing new, relax, catch up with loved ones.
But now it's over and you don't remember much of it at all. You can't recall the details about the hotel room or the cabin. You might remember when Sandra fell and had to get checked out at urgent care but other than that it's all kind of a blur. And the worst part is you worked so hard to make it perfect, there's that word again. The perfect beach trip. The perfect relaxing weekend. The perfect birthday party for grandma. A lot of times that nasty perfection monster rears its ugly head... but other times different trespassers threaten our mindfulness.
True, perfection loves to take away the present of today but sometimes that monster's not the one in charge and still we come away not remembering or experiencing all the feels.
This is because we weren't even there. Wait, what? Yeah, we weren't there. Our bodies were there but our minds were somewhere far away thinking about a time called Tomorrow or a place called Work-I-Have-to-Do.
I've visited Work-I-Have-to-Do on vacation and I give it a ZERO star review. There are various errands that need our attention-chores and tasks that need finished, but they have their time and place. Their time and place is not during our vacation, relaxation or family time.
Mindfulness is a choice. It's about making time and experiencing that time with the people who are most important to us.
It's hard to be present, alert, and in the moment. It may take practice and it may not happen all at once. But it is possible and so rewarding. Yes, it's hard to train our brains to let go of the worries and anxieties. It's difficult to slow down. But seeing what's right infront of us, when it's right in front of us...smelling it, hearing it, tasting it, truly experiencing it...that's where living is. Can you imagine remembering stories and not just having the pictures? Wow, that would make all the work worthwhile.
2. Listen.
How many times a day do we ask/tell our kiddos to listen? This has been on my mind lately. I want them to listen not only because it's respectful but because it's how they learn. By listening they learn what's expected of children and adults. They learn how to do... well everything: survive, converse, pass on wisdom, help others...[insert infinite list here]. So, since I expect them to listen... why am I so bad at it? Why are adults so bad at listening sometimes?
Everyone wants to be heard. Adults. Kids. Everyone. Many of us forget what it was like to be 5 or 8 or 13 years old and instead live everyday like we were always an adult. Sometimes I think that's why it's hard to listen, especially to those younger than us. They are less experienced than us and by listening we may think there's not much we can gain. But on the contrary by learning to listen better I've learned more about my family and how to relate more to my children.
Our family loves a lot about the movie, Brave. If you haven't seen it it's about a mother and daughter who learn to listen to each other. There are some extreme circumstances thrown in but overall that's the theme. Seems simple but in reality that is why so many people don't get along, especially in families. I am convinced that many relationship conficts come down to a lack of listening.
But when everyone wants to be heard how can everyone listen? I'm going to say this a lot... it's going to take some practice. If you're used to being the one talking all the time try...not. I'm speaking to the choir here.
This week I tried something new. I stopped myself from talking when I was about to. I just stopped. I heard my kids solve their own problems and share hilarious stories. I didn't miss out on their cute laughs. I didn't try to stop something before it started. I just watched and listened for awhile. There's a time and place to be heard and parents need to be heard, no doubt about it...but parents need to listen too.
When everyone in the house is listening and being heard (hard but definitely doable) that day is one to cherish. That day counted to you and to your family because everyone felt important and loved.
3. Show gratitude.
Merriam-Webster defines gratitude as, "the state of being grateful, thankfulness." When we show gratitude we are happier, the person we show gratitude to is happier, everyone is happier. We are finding joy.
According to Harvard Health, "gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships." The Mayo Clinic Health System states that, "feeling thankful can improve sleep, mood and immunity. Gratitude can decrease depression, anxiety, difficulties with chronic pain and risk of disease."
When we show gratitude we're showing others how we feel about them. We are sharing a personal connection with someone. Everyone has forgotten to say "thank you" at some point in their life. Everyone has neglected to tell someone how meaningful their actions were and how they were thoroughly touched by a certain gesture. That's being human. But have you ever thought back on one of those times and wished you hadn't forgotten or hadn't chickened-out of doing so? Any fellow introverts here?
On the other hand it makes us feel amazing when we're shown gratitude. When our kids or our spouse tells us just how special it was that we helped them, cooked their favorite food, fixed their favorite games, etc. It makes others feel amazing too. Everyone wants to feel needed, appreciated and loved.
Here are a few tough questions to consider.
-What if you never told your friend how much you appreciated them staying up all night on the phone as you cried over your horrible day?
-What if you never told that beloved family member how much you loved the meals they cooked for you every week?
-What if you never told you favorite teacher how much you appreciated their guidance?
The list could go on and on. What if we never showed gratitude? Would they have continued doing those life changing behaviors they did for you? Maybe, some probably. Would you now share the same relationship with them if you were ungrateful through all of those life changing moments? Probably not. Some love is unconditional...but relationships are either strong or weak.
Someone told me before, "you may love someone but sometimes you may not like them." How would I feel if someone I greatly admired and who helped me and guided me through my toughest times didn't like me?
When I was a kid, and really even now, being told someone was disappointed in me hurt more than anything. No other punishment could compare. If we are truly making everyday count, showing gratitude is the way to go. It not only will uplift our own health but strengthen our relationships, help us show that we like and love each other, and that we want to spend time together.
4. Tell them you love them.
This one's a little self explanatory, I know, but still needs to be said. Tell them you love them. What if we didn't have our loved ones tomorrow? A lot of us have lived through this nightmare. Odds are all of us have lost someone we've cared about. Many know that horrible feeling of emptiness and pain. Although many of us have felt that pain many of us are still very blessed to have some of our loved ones still with us.
It's one of the scariest thoughts in the world to many. It is the cause of anxiety and worry. Many of us find it hard to be away from our loved ones when their still on earth with us, even for short periods of time-aging children, friends and family who move away, new life changes, etc. We all handle these changes in life differently too.
I bring this up to say: what if, God forbid, that nightmare happened? What if this was the last day we would see the people we care about most in this world? Odds are they know how we feel deep down about them but when did we last tell them we loved them? When did we last tell them how important they are to us? Did we get along the last time we saw each other or was there conflict?
When I say those three words or I hear those three words, I love you, I feel like everything has meaning. Life. Do you feel that way? When your baby, mama, friend, tells you they love you the loneliness melts away. There's no regrets. The day counts.
5. Laugh.
Most of us have that one person-friend, sibling, parent, aunt, granny- who really understands us. They understand how we think. We just look at them and both of us start laughing so hard we're lucky not to crack a rib.
After you stopped laughing how did you feel? I felt energized and happy.
Have you ever seen one of those signs? The ones that say, "laugh often." I used to not think about it-laughing. It was just something we did somtimes when something was funny. It was just a phrase on a sign. Something grandma had on the fridge. It was cute. Well, as I've gotten older I've learned it's much more than just a nicety on a piece of barn wood. Laughing is something that's easy and hard at the same time.
I'll explain what I mean by that. When something's funny we laugh... but I've noticed something. I don't think as many things are funny anymore. Sure, our sense of humor matures as we get older-even though there are those few people who're always ten years old around- but I found that I sometimes take life way too seriously. Do you find yourself doing that too? A future goal is when I'm thinking this is a be-all-end-all situation to take a step back and breathe for a moment. I believe I'll realize that most of the time what I'm experiencing is a moment where I haven't found the joy yet.
I find myself typing "joy" a lot. What comes to your mind when you hear that phrase, "find the joy?" Joy is more long-term, according to Embark Behavioral Health. They also define "joy" as "a deeper emotion than happiness that comes from within — from a sense of purpose and meaning...and from relationships with others."
Odds are most of us find our joy most days. There's a lot to say on this subject so I look for joy to come up again and again in this blog. ;-) So...I'll leave that there for now.
Laughing with our friends, spouse, kids, or even at ourselves brightens our day and our outlook on life. People may remember the times we made a mistake, got angry and lost our temper or they may remember the times we made a mistake, turned it around and laughed it off. Which do we choose? It's ultamantly up to us in the end.
Life is broken down into many...mini moments. It's up to us to make each one count. <3
I want to end with these thoughts. Recently we watched another movie. This one talked a lot about life changes. Have you ever noticed that the only thing that's constant is change? Change, a few years ago, was a dirty word to me. I'm thinking of it differently now. Back then it seemed like change was everywhere, which it probably was, as it is now. I felt surrounded by it and it was closing in...faster and faster. I was viewing change as an end of something. Something I liked or grew accustomed to. Have any of you felt this way? All it produced was anxiety and worry.
I wasn't making everyday count, instead I was dreading the day and at the same time so worried about losing it, losing loved ones, losing anything that I had. I was so afraid of more change. But at the end of the day it comes down to how we lived it. Seizing the day and living can diminish or dissolve anxious feelings due to almost anything. Living in the present. Listening. Showing gratitude. Telling those who mean the most to you that you love them. Launghing. Finding joy in the little things. Mindfulness allows us to say at the end of the day that we were there. We lived. These all work together to make every moment..everyday count.
-Jess
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